So back to the topic, something I always think "What if..." about:
Well I've got a lot of "What ifs" and I totally can't remember the latest one or the most remembered one because I've been wondering a lot about this and that and it all just sometimes mixed up. And as I was writing (currently), suddenly my mind flashed about my favourite "What if..." ;)
"What if I was a boy, and not a girl?" was my favourite and it kept playing in my mind. Sometimes I would thinking about it for days, thinking what could have happen if that is true. Truth is, I am strongly against bullying. And when I heard that some kids were being bullied at school, I was distraught and disturbed by the news. And suddenly this thought came and I was like, I'm gonna rip off those bullies, I'm gonna step on them, crushed them, let them feel what they made the kids feel. I think that was the best part from this thought because during my high school times, I rarely talked to the boys so they kind of afraid or would let something just slide if they knew that I was involved. And they respected me too and I think because I sometimes lose my temper towards whoever was near me so that included the boys.
Well, I don't really shout or suddenly giving them a flying kick. I just made a plain, angry face and my friends(girls) said that my face showed it all. So they knew that I was mad, or if I was sad or frustrated with someone or something. They said they couldn't even differentiate my normal, heartless face with my plain, angry face because they said I would still look the same. The look of a beast, waiting to strike. They also added that when they saw me doing my work at the table, they won't talk anything to me, they wouldn't ever disturb me because of my face at that time and I thought this one was funny because I really didn't expect them to say this.
Back to the bullies, well my batch(the boys) was being bullied and I was like extremely angry, I cursed a lot and I was like, "If I am one of them, I'm gonna shout as loud as I can, then shove them in their head, bite their ears, kick their stomach and step on their face while shouting," Well, this was real, I'm not exaggerating, okay. I just felt that the bullies were to mean to bully other people. Those who were being bullied were human beings too. What was wrong with that? You're a human too! I don't expect you to be freaking foolish to bully another human being!
Yes, I'm very emotional as I was writing this but well, bully is a timeless problem. It won't stop until, who knows. Plus, we have cyber bullying these days and that is much much worse :(
I think I'm gonna stop here and post another entry tomorrow. I'm really sorry for the harshness of my writing if you like, can feel it. Mixed feelings and sudden memories and truth is, I don't like my high school times. Too much drama and whatnot. Whatever it is, I think my "What if..." can be said as cranky and yes, I just want to be a boy to get my revenge on those jerks who made others' lives miserable.
PS: When I was in standard four, I pushed a boy's head (my classmate) to the edge of the wooden table so hard that his head bleed. I did this because he was making noise in the class as there was no teacher in the class and I was reading a book at that time. When he got back to the class, I didn't give a damn about his head. I need to finish this book was all that I can think of.
PPS: I'm not a psycho or whatever is the terms exist to describe me, I'm just a paranoid person and I think I want to write an entry for this particular subject.
Yeah, maybe I can scream and attack at the same time just like Gollum did. What do you think?